Nothing

my aunt called. In fact few of them sent their love. care and concern of my well being through the phone. How is it that i am able to avoid each and everyone of them just because of my fear of facing them. As much as i hate to hear the i told you so. I cannot burden them with my problems. cannot bring myself to share with them. Isn't it deeply instill in us to only report the good and happy but not sad and sufferings to our beloved ones? if it was in my powers i would wipe off all memories of me in them to avoid their sadness. How nice it would be if there never knew I existed. I do not wish to bring any sadness to them or have them go through the loss of beloved ones, the guilt and also blaming themselves for not noticing. Is this my pride, perhaps. Too proud to admit failure, too proud to say i was wrong, wanting to believe a silver lining in all these. But days still stays dark and gloomy. I am not sure for how long i am able to put up this brave happy optimistic front. Please just let me hold it all together. Please don't let me be shattered into pieces. Please....

Into the twilight zone

Promises made, yet uncertainty still clouds around me. Decisions made, action taken and let things pave its way. No turning back. For better or for worse I'll leave it to my destiny to unravel the events. taking me down the road of an unfamilar path.  Numbing myself of the uneasy feeling and queasiness.  Preparing for the worst. Coping with silence and a weak shimmer of hope. Heavy footsteps, empty minds. Will i be able to last until all is well and promises fulfilled?

Dark days

As I sat among the crowd, 

loneliness crept up to say hello. 

The more I ignore him, 

the louder he bellows. 

and as he envelopes me with his strong arms

stifling me of my cries

I was sent into an abyss of darkness,  

it wasn't very nice.

I refused to just give in 

and struggle to continue living.

But please tell me what kind of life it is,

if it is without living.

************

I've never felt lonelier 

in a crowd

surrounded by people 

yet none understands me

they said they care 

they said they'd help

but how could they 

when i can't bring myself to share it out

***********